I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
