dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
