R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
