he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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