me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
