It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
