To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I bet he comes in French.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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