I'm jealous of your bromance
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
