I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
