How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
