it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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