Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
