...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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