So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My cat gives me a boner
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
