the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
