I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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