and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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