i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
