Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize