Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
