I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize