last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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