Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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