...so i touched it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
