She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dicks are not precious.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
