Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
