My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i came on her dog
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
