hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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