i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
