So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
