We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
