Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
