his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
