So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
