So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
