can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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