WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
