When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
