your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
