You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
