I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Please, let me fuck your mom
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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