i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
