he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
