Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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