Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
We got so high we made milksteak
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
