; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So drunk its hurt
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
