DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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