The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
