I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
