Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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