a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
