I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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