Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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