you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
