Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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