I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
