ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
