I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
