For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
