At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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