So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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