My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Randomize
