Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
