kristin has been a bad kristin
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
