a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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