i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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