When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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