2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
