Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
