I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
