I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
