he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My vagina is very pro this idea
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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