The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I am midnight drunk by noon
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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